heya! back from christmas kerfuffle spent mostly with bboj, noelley and kah how, who very generously let us eat his food and loot his disneyland stash (i got pirate sticky tape)!

mm. food. also, candy bra!



some of us are proud to wear one.



some of us are a little bewildered



and some of us refuse to be humiliated in public, and so have to be photoshopped into their edible undies.

go my dodgy photography! i don't know why i can't take pictures that aren't blurry. or maybe it's all my camera's fault.

because nick is mean and horrible, he did this



but it's pretty funny even i have to admit =P so here it is. merry christmas!!

ok so not many updates lately..mostly 'coz i've been negligent. left my camera at ben's place, couldn't be arsed getting it. phone got stolen so pics on there are gone. also, i went for a haircut (yes cally i know my fringe was long) so i'm broke as hell. therefore, i am back at ben's house using his internet and eating free food (our house is really quite bare. old people, it seems, don't snack).

anyhoo, this haircut. if you're privvy to my secret ah lian taste in clothes etc, you'll know that for the longest time i've wanted to look like a china doll. yes, i have high aims in life. since it's almost christmas, and i've done all my shopping, i decided to get a haircut and i told the lady "make me look like a doll". so she did. and this is the result!



i took SOOOO many photos and they all turned out really bad mostly because i'm terrible at looking straight at the camera and posing all cutesy/seductively/pensively/whateverly in that narcissistic friendster way. so i found that if i stared intensely at the camera, game face on, it was easier to take a decent photo. at least one where my head's not chopped off.

comin' atcha like cleopatra!

yesterday i was so peeved about the whole mobile phone thing that i clean forgot to tell you all about this! bboj very kindly agreed to take me to the star wars exhibition at the science centre yesterday, and it was lots of fun (read: he was strong-armed and bugged continuously for a week after mark told me about it)! for those of you not in the loop, the singapore science centre is home (temporarily) to the props, costumes and artwork used in all 6 star wars movies! and it's a reeeally really good exhibition. there's even a jedi gym where i proved that the force is indeed strong in me and totally kicked bboj's patootie at jedi mind games. bwahahahaha. if you're in singapore, i'd strongly suggest you go. especially if, like us, you haven't been to the science centre since you were in pigtails and/or tiny shorts (unless you went to a chinese school in which case that really wasn't too long ago was it). it's really different now! all speccy and generally not shit.

no pictures or videos or food/beverages were allowed in the exhibition space, but i did manage to sneak this one photo .. well actually bboj took it. but look! i am MUCH taller than a jawa. which is fantastic.



usually when you are practically 5 ft nothing, you're not really taller than anything except smurfs and very small children.

oh. and shopping with noelle today was great fun! it was our first proper girlies day out and it was fantastic! this was marred only by the fact that when we were taking a well-deserved break at the end of the day when she says "ooh! look at that!" and when i turned around, the most awful sight presented itself to me. this woman was squatting on the other side of the window, with her love handles spilling over her jeans, all squished up against the glass pane. it was ... truly awful to say the least. bitch. if you ever do that to me again, i will keeel you !!

also, today on the train they were making their usual announcement about how if you see any suspicious articles left unattended please do report it because it could be a bomb. and then this guy stood up from his seat, and lo and behold ... A BOMB!!



literally. i know this picture's really fuzzy but it's really hard to take a good clear focussed photo of some grotty child's diaper left on the train seat for all and sundry to look at and appreciate without a) laughing and b) getting funny looks. and who says singaporeans are inconsiderate bastards! look at how people are leaving wonderful little gifts for complete strangers.

i'm actually considering submitting this photo to the unique2me competition, where we send in photos what we feel singapore means to us.

soooo my phone's been nicked and i hae no phone =( also no contacts. no nothing. the 2 funny pics i took and was gonna upload to this blog for your viewing pleasure? gone =( when i get my new phone and re-visit the places i took them, then i'll upload.

how did this happen? i was careless, and left it on the table at the net cafe (next to my computer) and the jerk next to me picked it up and left. and because i didn't realize i'd left it there, i didn't realize he was pissing off so quickly 'coz he'd taken it.

dear karma, if you exist, please give that guy a swift kick in the nuts with steel-toed boots. thanks muchly.

in the meantime, anybody who wants to contact me can do so through bboj. and if also, please send me your phone numbers! and also, if anyone's got a cheapish nokia to sell, please let me know. preferably with camera and bluetooth (actually i have my eye on the nokia 7600, which is old. but is kinda cute. and i've wanted once since it was released ... like when dinosaurs roamed the earth)

so anyhoo, the address to send stuff to, in case you haven't got it is shhhinobi@gmail.com

i repeat, shhhinobi@gmail.com

'til then, i am disconnected from technology and the modern world as we know it! ANONIMITY! WOW!!

happy birthday my weeeeeeeird sister! i imagine you must be kinda trashed now hehe .. don't fall into the swimming pool!!

it is also aged auntie's birthday, but she does not read this blog. so just letting you guys know is all.

*does an interpretive dance to show how happy i am that it's your birthdays*

ooh! here's a photo i forgot to share in my previous post. reminds me of how ampulets said katongites are so refined!! but really, that's not true. you are only truly refined if you live in POSHGROVE CONDOMINIUMS (foreigners eligible)!!



aged auntie: LOOK! as if they need to be told they're living in ridiculously expensive apartments..
me: ya. as opposed to the rest of us living in crapville terrace hdb flat.

...

on a completely different note, i was looking through bboj's dvd library and unearthed this gem: SIDEWAYS! nominated for 5 academy awards and winner of 2 golden globes. ooh! classy flick. what's it about, i wonder?

*ahem*

"Strides you this (Borrow Ji YaMa raisies dresss up) is a lamentable defeat person, is dreaming remote dream of writer's which should not be reached.
In the suffering that he does not still have through divorces shake off out, and is seeing that old girl friend Jack's (thomas mounts Qiu Qishi at the big lake) soon livingly treads the grave into love. Strideeing you this the pair of grape wine rather possess research, and is living before the wedding ceremony of Jack, he resolves to bring the old friend in company force to travel, and leavees to California grape wine manufacture base, and borrows wine seing free the mood."

oh china dvds, how we love thee.

yes there have been few updates of late, but that doesnt' mean nothing's going on! bboj was hospitalized with pneunomia that's all. so i've been hanging out at hotel gleneagles with him, eating the food they bring him and watching movies on hbo. yes .. gleneagles offers hbo and espn, as well as indo and m'sian tv channels! so fancy pants.

anyhoo, enough about hospitals of the rich and sometimes famous .. i have photos to share!!

first up *drum roll* a stencil in sunny singapore! there is hope for this nation yet.




and then you see things like



and you wonder "what were these people thinking?!" .. who is tch ?! what does he do ?!?! why is there a learning centre named after him ?!??! why does this not make any sense ?!?!?!?!?!

but if there's one thing i've come to accept is that singaporeans are suckers. they'd have to be for things people selling all kinds of crap to survive. need a specific example? let me present to you the number 1 range of useless things that people will flog to ultra-kiasu parents ..



ERGONOMIC ESSENTIALS!! checkout that kid's drawing board! it's fancier than mine!! and check out his chair!! and those garish colours ... but wait! that's not all. a drafting desk and a fancy pants chair? those merely scratch the surface of ergonomic essentials. this place also sells


how can the doting singaporean parent refuse when their kids demand to go to school looking like that happy naked boy and his schoolbag+lumbar support? or when their kids insist on sleeping on a bed with a unique womb-like shape? i know i couldn't possibly look at those bright shining eyes full of the desire for good posture and refuse.

oh. and before i leave you for an afternoon of boggle fun, here's a final present!



this time you definitely know this guy's thinking "nah beh ah .. seng li si bei pai .."*

* translation: oh dear. business is terrible.

there was this "article" in the new paper today about singaporean bloggers blogging about mundane things, and engaging in slagging matches with each other blahblahblah, while bloggers overseas talk about "dollars & sense". nice one new paper. hurhur. sense...cents...you all very crever.

far be it from me to judge *koff* but singapore is packed full of weird goings-on, that there must be more to their lives than in-depth discussion of some potential starlet's decolletage (real or not?! - please discuss).

for example, on the bus the other day, we went past a truck declaring itself to be the property of AMEROIDS LOGISTICS. WHAT?! a company has named itself after a painful and embarrassing ailment? unfortunately this roving eye didn't have her camera on her that day. however, i did spot a company with a far more appropriate name:



just imagine their interviews .. "can you PACKAGE ?! are you ready to BE A MAN ?!?! ROAAAARR !!" [insert chest-thumping here]

ack! no internet !! girlie is dyinnnnnnnnnng *cries* this is from a sleazy net cafe in sleazy far east square.

things i'm telling you b'coz i'm too lazy to sms you all:

1. da >> that place that sells those shoes is now gone. noelle said she'll help me find out if it's moved or just closed down forever. however, i have bought your b'day/christmas present! huzzah.

2. lynne >> your present is in a box in my room =p you will never find it *bwahahahaha*

3. stoo >> im still looking for that watch of yours.

4. ampulets >> you've got mail!!

5. mun >> you are not the only gay in this village. i have seen several more. and it's a much worse than anything you could ever pull off.

6. lindagurl >> you are not the only piggie in s.e. asia .. unfortunately =((

anyhoo i'm off now. more shopping to be done!

and singapore tomorrow! gootbye perth and all your flies, hello singapore and all your grumpy people who don't know how to smile at passers-by.

because we loos never do things by halves, parents went out to buy the most amazing thing ever in the whole wide world, so we can pack all fragile items away in the safest funnest way possible. and so, ladies and gentlebugs, i present to you ..

BUBBLE WRAP !!!



yes folks, standing at more than 1m tall, is the purest roll of bubble-wrap you've ever seen. squillions of little magical pockets filled with air just waiting to burst out of their plasticky skins and dance in the atmosphere with you! o happy bubble-wrap.

it's taking a great deal of self-restraint not to run up to that thing and squeeze the hell out of it. well .. self-restraint brought on by warnings along the lines of "don't you DARE pop that i'm telling you .." in that ominous voice that only your mother can achieve.

if there's any left after the move, i'll try convincing the parentals to let us host a bubble-wrap party.

oh. and some random thing that i've always meant to post but never got round to.

during a deep and meaningful with cousin stoo, this question arose:

why is it that if a fat/ugly/stinky/gross-in-some-other-way person plasters pics of themselves all over the internet/on their blog, and declare themselves hot/photogenic/beautiful etc, nobody really says anything. but if someone comes along and says "dude, face it. you have a bung eye, terrible skin, and really shouldn't have eaten that last cream puff", people from the far reaches of the planet suddenly appear and say "leave them alone! they ain't never done nuffin or noone!"

so it's ok to live in a world of complete bullshit and denial, but not ok to state the glaringly obvious? how bizarre.

so updates are non-existant now, partially due to the fact that our net connection's been bodgy 'til about half an hour ago.

exciting things that have happened in the past week or so:

1. family has decided to move. the new house is about 3 minutes away from our current one, but it's a bit newer and it's got a pool. and anyway, someone really wants to rent the one we have now. so we're moving.

2. a box of chocolates with a note attached to it was left outside our house. if the note hadn't gone awol i'd have scanned it in for you, but since i can't locate it, i've tried to recreate it for you as best i can.



the childish scrawl, misspelt words and rainbow with a faked up colour led us to believe it was mahesh's son thanking us for letting him call his mum and hang out at our place when he got locked out. but the addition at the bottom gave the game away! it was crazy lady! she of the 2am hysteria the night before folio was due!

mum astutely pointed out also that she'd gotten the dates wrong and thanked us for helping her on a day that hasn't even arrived yet. this kind of creeps her out because she doesn't want to be calling the police AGAIN on the 28th of november.

no, the chocolates weren't tampered with in anyway. but no, we did not eat them. parents gave them away to someone else's children instead =P

where were you on the morning of november the floobeth, at half past the freckle on your wrist, in a clockwise direction? really? how quaint. because at that very moment, there was a mad shuffle going on in sneakytown, perth, western australia.



and then, by diabolic ascent ...



shinobis struck again! the hives hags immortalized (y)our new favourite band in paint-on-brick!

[cue dramatic music]

and in really-not-secret-at-all footage, the entire (minus one) expanded team of ne'er do wells gives a big cheesy grin for a job well done


L to R: ninja tiong, superspy cat, lynnie samuraibunny loo, 2 legit 2 goh, lyndii-from-the-shire loo
(not in picture: yas-the-yellow-emoticon o.)

post-script: all photos taken will be uploaded to flickr ... soonish. when it's not so early in the morning.

after making this nifty little banner thing i really wasn't in the mood to write about why i was angry. mostly 'coz i'm not angry anymore .. old italian men can go and suck other old italian men's balls.

"it's so hard being the only gay in the village", said daffyd thomas

yes yes .. you can put that disgusted/incredulous face on now ..

pics of the hives slightly delayed since photos from debbie have not arrived. c'est terrible. ah well. there are other things to amuse girlies. we have several holiday projects lined up this time round .. mostly t-shirt stuff actually. but as these things take time, just keep watching this space and results will be posted. oh yes.

party was success! several people piked but it's ok we didn't really need them. the ones that came did really well food-wise =) go starving students!

spoils of the day included:

? funny beanbaggy doll thing from sisters. too cute! like my sisters *koffvomitdie*

? takoyaki set + credit at spraypaint store + shirt + mc hammer dvd from stoo! this will ensure that the shinobi-mobile is constantly on some mission or other. and hammertime! OMG! u R 2 legit

? funky cosmetics pouch + cutest ipod pouch + embarrassing card from mr mar. so useful! so stylish! mr mars rock. i have one you don't. hah!

? "frank muller" watch + "emporio armani" bag + swatch necklace + vintage earrings from bboj. totally supporting my taitai lifestyle in every way. *cue mushy awwwwwwwwwww*

? bodyshop bodycare package from fatfingers so i shall always remain bee-yoo-dee-fool. people who buy presents they'd like to receive themselves are the best =)

? license plate fund from the reclusers. they shall be responsible for the future shinobi-mobile! much like the pope-mobile only .. not .. bulletproof. although no less cool in any way.

? jack skellington tissuebox holder frm vanessa and debbie. so the tissue in my car no longer gets tossed around in that disgusting way.

not to mention angpows .. thanks goodnesses! or trip to singapore would be spent with me window shopping instead of proper shopping shopping.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to NINJAtiong!! secret 6th member of the hives =P may we live longlong time to be partners in many missions together! it was tres embarrassing when we both realized we'd made hives cards for each other. but meh. what can you do. great minds etc!

also, big squishy hugs to wyrd sisters for being very helpful and patient and all and for being fantastic during the party. and aged auntie who helped with the organizing and cooking and shows me that when i am on the other side of 50, i will still be goodlooking because of superior genetics. and most of all to parentals who never read this blog, but you all should know they are very good parents who like their daughter's tattoos, and don't give us curfews, and organize parties for grumpy girls during folio week, and help to clean up after the party and not complain, and let us listen to loud music and face the scary banshees for you .. and only sometimes get angry but pretty rarely. those are the best types. mostest bestest.

whoever said "love thy neighbour" obviously didn't have my neighbours, or he wouldn't have said it.

... ok fine so it was Jesus .. and his neighbours kinda crucified him. but that is completely beside the point.

the point is, that my neighbours (with the exception of the nice lady who lives on the left of us) are fuckwits. first of all there's the one right next door, mahesh, whom you might remember him from the fence blowing over due to damaging squalls episode. fucking scammer. then there's the ones two doors down who have a cute dog they don't want, that stayed over at ours for a night because she ran away and nobody could be arsed looking for her, that we wanted to keep but returned 'coz we thought were doing them a favour but it turns out were returning to hell*.

and then there's the psychotic bloody banshee that lives across the road, who lives in probably the ugliest house on our street** and who rattled her chains and wailed and hammered on our windows at 2am on the night before folio was due, and scared the bejeezus out of us. by us i mean my mum and me, because all i did was hide behind my mummy like a big girl's blouse while my mummy hid behind my dad like a slightly smaller girl's blouse, while he told the crazy to fuck off.

i know variety is the spice of life and all, and that it'd be terribly boring if we lived in 1984, but i think this is pushing it a little. i hope at least one person at our party tomorrow gets drunk enough to yak all over mahesh's lawn. or cause a kerfuffle across the road so they can see how it feels like to be the harrassee for once. jerks.

* ok maybe hell is a bit of an exagerration but they really didn't seem to want her.

** stoo's mum swears it's a brothel because of the lacy pink curtains.

folio week's over! now linda and i have all the time in the world (1 month) to fuel our new hives obsession. watch this space for progress.

thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday, you're all a week early ! actually my birthday's the end of folio week in two days time. poor noelle .. thinking you're living in the twilight zone and functioning in the wrong week *lol*

oh. and if anyone would be so kind, please drop off one howling pelle almqvist outside my house, care of one lynnie loo. thank you !!

the hives were gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. high kicks, ass-shaking, posing etc. howlin pelle is the cutest thing since cheese. if anyone knows how i can stalk him .. or learn swedish, that would be quite fantanstic =)

photos etc will come later. for now, folio!

so folio's due on friday. hives are on monday. i turn 21 on sunday. linda turns 21 on monday. party on monday! my house! dinner. if i haven't invited you .. you aren't invited. sorry =P

remember how in the previous post i said we'd plastered posters of andy all over campus on his birthday? after salvaging the posters that hadn't been taken home by the people whose cars we put them on/blown away by the wind/thrown in the bin by the angry workshop technician, one of the recluses created the great wall of andy! isn't it amazing what you can do with 80 a4 sheets and some masking tape?

tech model is consuming our lives! but the 12+ hour days at uni haven't been completely crap.

for instance, today was andy's birthday so we printed out 190 flyers that said "it's my burfday !!! give me a hug !!" with a picture of him looking like a monkey. then we plastered them all over campus. it was great =) we put them in the lifts, all along the stairwell, in the cafeteria, on signboards, bin lids .. pretty much every flat surface there was. oh, and also the windscreens of every car in the carpark. only 3 people that wasn't part of our posse gave him a hug though..and out of those 3, 2 were guys. pictures will follow.

it's also my hom(e)bo(y) clown school reject cousin's birthday! so happy birthday kor =)

and also, ramadan's started! it's a bit like lent for catholics, only 10 times more hardcore. and it leads to conversations like this:

elliot [admiring a piece of hafiz's supreme model-making handiwork]: dude this is cool! how'd you do that?

hafiz: skill magill .. bitch

but because it's ramadan ..

hafiz: sorrysorrysorry! i shouldn't say that. argh...

it's kinda like how at lent, stoo promises to not swear and be judgemental blahblahblah and two seconds later it's "$&%@ this shit" and "cock!" .. at least he tries though .. i just don't.

help required:

dear singapore citizens/permanent residents/expats,

would you be so kind as to keep a look out for these specific chinese medicine pills? they are called "manhood pills" i think, and the box has a picture of an asian guy flexing his massive muscles on the front. not a real guy, but a drawn one. very cheap looking. i came across a discarded box on a bus once, but then i misplaced it. i wish i had it again =( not the contents, just the box. it contains all kinds of wonderful chinese goodies such as essence of tiger testicles and bear penis. you know that kind of libido-boosting stuff. i remember that somewhere on the box, probably under the classy picture of abovementioned muscleman, are the words 猛男一号。which literally mean fierce (i.e. manly) man number one.

if anyone could procure a bottle of the stuff for me (or indeed, just the box is enough .. or just tell me where to find some) it would be most appreciated.

it seems like ages since i last updated this blog. no i'm not dead, merely sleeping.

actually no, i lie. i just wanted to use a line from the parrot sketch. with the tech assignment due, the motivation to blog has been minimal. from looking at my gostats thing though, it's nice to see some of you guys still check back =) *wipes away a tear*

recent plans:

1. go to melbourne to visit munner (decided about half an hour ago) yes mun! i am coming to terrorize you!! you thought you could escape me by going to melbourne while i'm in singapore, but i won't have any of that.

2. to abolish the awkward silence

huh? what thing? allow me to elaborate. you know how you enter a lift and you kind of smile at the person inside but then after that it feels like you hold your breath/twiddle your thumbs/check your nails/"sms" for what seems like an eternity before the lift doors open and you rush out because it was kind of weird being in that enclosed space with this person that you see around sometimes but don't really know so what are you supposed to do? anyway, i've decided to do away with that and start short little conversations with people. so far it's worked kinda. so far i've said random things to 3 people and they've all turned out fairly successful! and no, i did not meet with cold looks. they genuinely responded and laughed and said random funny things back. and if i can do it, i'm sure most people can too. try it! because if you are friendly to people, you feel good after, and i'm assuming that the person you chatted to briefly feels a little better too and the joy is spread. it may not be hallelujah-joy but certainly a little feel-good inc. can't hurt right?

help abolish the awkward silence and make this world a better place one small step at a time. and soon, people will be saying

stupid loser friend co-president, lynettoo dingo girlie-atrix* hits town on friday, 25 november 2005.



prepare your banners, people.

* these are all the names that stupid loser friend co-president, noelle naw-vew cantooie zoot girlie-tron** has given me over the years.

** these are the names i have given her. except for naw-vew. that one was bestowed upon her by our chinese teacher in primary 5. how you arrive at naw-vew from noelle is completely beyond us.

last night mum cooked chicken rice for dinner, singapore-hainanese style (because if you were actually from hainan you would never have heard of hainanese chicken rice). and as she is wont to do at dinner time, lynne (wyrd sister #3) decided to stick a piece of coriander in her rice and declared it "my island home".



how tasty would it be to actually live on an island made of chicken rice? with a big coriander tree in the middle of it and all the chicken you can eat. mmm fragranty goodness.

hey!! mixed language posts !! all right it works. yaaaaaay!! i can see it anyway, i don't know about you guys. like i said, maybe try changing your browser's encoding. go to tools > options > languages > encoding and select chinese-simplified.

something like that anyway.

everyone's saying how chinese is really important and china's so huge now blah blah blah i thought i'd better brush up my once-upon-a-time 'O' level B3/year 12 chinese advanced standards*. but i realize that not everyone reads mandarin, so there will be little translations at the bottom of each post.

bilingual wannabe girlie does not want to be branded as chinese elitist racist bugger. i am not ok! for a person who is always laughing at how chinese people love yellow gold and jade, this is a big step.

前进 前进 前进

onward onward onward

* admittedly though, these exams were mostly (barely) passed due to rote learning. my spoken chinese is still very angmoh sounding

i just visited this website, and the lady has posts in chinese and english, so i was wondering if i could do the same with my njstar freeware. testing !!

你们看得到汉字吗?

if you can't, maybe add languages to your browser settings?

also, because i thought by clicking "chinese simplified" in blogger, i could post in chinese (not that my chinese is any good btw. just trying), now my blogger interface is in simplified chinese. and i dunno how to change it back. i am feeling tres stupid.

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music	DDR
Quiz created with MemeGen!

lookit me! boppin' to the tunes of dancing machiney goodness

well here's a long post to make up for many days' silence:

two guys in singapore got charged with sedition recently because they'd posted racist comments on their blogs and forums. it was naughty of them to do so, but sedition! that's a bit of an overkill methinks. perhaps casting racial slurs on a blog would incite a blog war, but i fail to see how it's constitutes a crime against a state.

talk about a lopsided justice system. in australia you get nutjobs like jack van tongeren running about like hitler on crack, with his supposed followers fire-bombing chinese restaurants. and though the australian government basically told him that he could jump off a bridge for all they cared, he was never charged for sedition. and then there's pauline hanson, one-time purveyor of fish n chips, leader of the now-defunt one nation party. her party was anti-immigration! tut tut. where would all us fobs* be if she had succeeded??** [answer below]. but she's not langouring in prison, oh no .. she was for a time (on some minor technicality), but now she's very happy being a pin-up girl for middle-aged rednecks and prancing about on dancing with the stars (she's one of the stars by the way).

in the end those boys ended up posting bail and walking away shame-faced, but now their records are forever tainted and they can never work in Singapore again because nobody wants a racist fucker working in their company. i wonder if they will be on celebrity squares any time soon.

how funny that you can face possible jail time for typing something rude on the internet, despite the fact that in certain schools you get tutors and lecturers speaking in mandarin, even though there are other non-chinese students in the class who don���t speak the language and therefore won���t benefit from the gibberish they just heard. you wanna charge those guys with sedition too?

perhaps you can check out pranay gupte who worked for the straits times for awhile. he's an americanofindiandescent who was working as an expatriate and made observations on how even though he's educated and sought-after by high-flying publications, he was still treated like the bangladeshi worker who turns the stop-and-go sign at construction sites. eventually he got his work visa revoked because he tried to write an article on it that didn't make it past the editorial stage. why wasn't his editor charged with sedition either? he didn't actually overtly racist, but somewhere between reading the article and gupte getting fired, something must have happened right? what if gupte was so angry he phoned home (america, not india) and said "goddamn singaporeans blahblahblah", and whoever he called got angry too and called india, and india got angry and bombed singapore? they have nuclear weapons you know ?! and who would have brought that truckload of shit down on singapore? his editor. so maybe they should have nipped the potential problem in the bud and charged him. that oughtta learn 'im real good right?

maybe singapore is afraid of racism because it's so ingrained in society and even though people try to pretend it doesn't exist, it still rears its ugly head.just because you ace a civics and moral education exam doesn't mean you believe in the answers you give. maybe samy, ahmad, meiling and jane should rethink their national education methods.

* fob = fresh off the boat = people like me laaah. quit from singapore/indonesia/insert asian country here.

** answer: up shit creek without a paddle that's where.

still nothing exciting going on, so allow me to point you to tragicblogs.

a word of warning though, these guys crit other peoples' blogs and are pretty bitchy so maybe don't go if you're easily offended.

bboj's become a national manservant and nothing much has been happening at all, hence the lack of posts.

in the absence of entertainment here, there's links a-plenty to the right. also, if you'd like a spot on the committee of BUCKS, let me know.

last night at work, there was this bunch of asian students who were the last to leave the shop before we closed up for the night. and because it was so silent in waffletown, i managed to eavesdrop a bit and realized that this one guy, presumably the cell group leader, was talking about how God has a plan for all of us, and he died on the cross 2000 years ago, not for us to fuck it all up and go to hell*, but so that we would have a 2nd chance at redemption etcetc. then, just before they left, they gave this booklet to parsa entitled "this was your life".

this publication is from the same people who brought us the same gems that were handed out at o-day this year. the gist of these booklets is:

a) even if you are a good person, if you don't embrace God you will go to hell.
b) going trick or treating means you are a pagan, and therefore will go to hell ... unless you embrace God before you die
c) all muslims are the tools of the devil. and therefore they are going to burn in hell for all eternity

on the other hand, if you praise and worship and thank God for everything all the time**, you will go to heaven. also, if you condemn/denounce muslims and everyone who is not in JC's posse, you will most definitely go to heaven. amenpraisethelordhallelujah.

and on and on in the same vein, making sweeping statements and generally trying to start the crusades again. that kinda thing. not terribly christian at all.

so anyhoo, this made me remember the time that stu and i were talking about new fangled churches, with their "non-denominational" evangelisation of God's word. we were marvelling at the number of people they managed to convert, how they can afford to build new church that bears more than a passing resemblance to the guggenheim (new york, not bilbao), and would survive a nuclear holocaust because it's clad in titanium. also, we were incredulous at how they managed to raise a gazillion dollars to build that church.

and then we thought, how difficult could it possibly be to come up with our own denomination of non-denominational christianity, converting as many people as we can (but mostly the rich ones, hopefully) to our own brand of christianity? answer: not to hard. so we came up with a basic scheme of what we could do:

loosely based on catholicism (let's call it catholicism-lite), we'd be called the Bestest United Church of the King and Saviour - or BUCKS - and with such a prosperous name, hopefully we'd rake in the dosh. i'd be high priestess/head pastor/whatever (since i was the one who came up with the idea), my stupid loser girlie friend would be the grand chancellor, and my partner-in-many-crimes stoo would be the head of the security ministry, also be known as the k枚mmiss盲r. we'd all have tastefully designed robes and sceptres, but the k枚mmiss盲r would have a tazer at the end of his sceptre so that any hecklers we may encounter would be miraculously "slain" by the spirit.

we'd come up with plausible interpretations of the bible, and combine doctrines from other churches and make a happy hybrid for our own, preach free will and welcome everybody who wishes to join us. any questions outside of our comfort zone would be answered with "Such is the mystery and awesome power of God". we would have tithing machines (like the reverse of an atm), and look like we're offering people the best time of their life by joining us. our services will be like massive rock concerts, with appropriate pauses for spotlight-shining-down-like-a-stairway-to-heaven moments, to adequately overwhelm our audience wtih emotions. the word "awesome" would be used a lot so that we give the impression of being contemporary and with it.

and then we'd build a church and clad it in leather. that way we'd always smell of opulence (it's the riches from heaven! He has showered his blessings upon us!), and we'd raise funds by getting some b-list celebrity to be on our pastoral council, and marketing the album that he/she released.

and checkout our fancy crest:


for the Lord said, "take up your cross and follow me".

how easy it would be to sell this religion to people who equate giving more money with receiving more blessings? and who doesn't love the instant gratification of an awesome feel-good church?

yes, we would do all this if we weren't so certain that on judgement day, we'd be the goats (as opposed to sheep), and cast out to the fiery place where there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

* liberties taken with actual phrasing

** because all the time God is good, God is good all the time

kinda busy rushing studio things. normal posting will resume after today. or maybe over the weekend

today was dennis' birthday, so we got him a cake and told him he absolutely had to come to uni today. in true dennis fashion, he got absolutely wasted last night, passed out at a friend's house, and then came to uni as soon as he woke up for our mini-celebration.


you see? even random strangers pray for him and his liver.

also, it was malaysia's birthday. as i dressed up on national day in singapore's national colours, linda also dressed for merdeka. to support her, i wore my singapore colours too (although you can't really tell because today was VERY cold. totally inappropriate for patriotic chesty bonds tank tops). we south-east-asians must stick together.

brief (and mostly inaccurate) history lesson:

singapore used to be part of malaysia, but then one day said "fuck it" and left. either that or malaysia said "fuck you hippies" and kicked us out.

ever since then, the two countries have had a love-hate relationship. malaysia sells us water, we refine it and sell some back to them. whenever they get angry they will say "we cut off your water supply and you will all die". so we retaliate by kicking their butts at soccer and then secretly recycle our wee and call it NEWater so in case they really do, we won't die. they criticise our totalitarian government and publish books by singaporean exiles and misfits just to irritate the powers that be*. and then we have extravagant national day celebrations to subtly say "my balls bigger than your balls, donch pray pray". two seconds later, singaporeans will take advantage of the national day long weekend to run to JB and stock up on toilet paper, and while they are in JB, some armed robbers will hijack their mercedes benzes and offset the amount saved on toilet paper.

kind of childish.

so linda and i have decided to make a difference, and by our friendship, encourage other singaporeans and malaysians to be friends too.



afterall, neighbours should be there for one another, because that's when good neighbours become good friends.

*conspiracy theory

stoo's birthday card

courtesy of ninja girlies

happy birthday retarded cousin stoo!!

i [heart] you!


blackmail-worthy pic of me and stoo circa 1985

i realize i was slightly inconsiderate last night with this ninja post. the background story is that one night, stu and i decided we wanted to go a-stencilling, and for some inexplicable reason, also decided that being stencilling ninjas was the way to go.

you can read all about it here [link] in the14th may post.

shinobi mission #2 has been successfully executed. no arrests or deportations were made.



hot damn we are sexy ninjas!

stoo's birthday's coming up, so there's the preparations for that. and then there's also studio stuff. so blogging shall take a backseat for awhile. check back on monday and there will be a new post! promises!

oh. and i also made some changes to the links under the "blogs from all over" section. if you'll notice, not only have i put them in alphabetical order, but i've also culled some so what remains are blogs i actually read myself.

it's model time! but first, some cake. and a shower. mmm .. cake shower.

so many posts in one day can only mean one thing: one very bored, unmotivated and procrastinatey girlie.

girlies may be silly and whimsical, but all the feather boas in the world can't mask the fact that we are not made of stone.

a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, a girlie sent in a forgotten password request to flooble chatterbox. impatiently, she checked her inbox every 5 minutes to see whether it had been sent. alas, after an hour of neurosis, she gave up. meanwhile, she was typing in every username and password combination she had ever used in her internet history and after what seemed like an eternity, got the winning combination. you'd think they'd give her a prize (although..who asked girlie to be so stupid and forget her username and password in the first place. duuuuuur *rolls eyes*)

anyway, the point of this entry is that i wanted to show you all. after a trillion squillion days .. after we've gone past the point of me being peeved that my password was never sent to me, and completely forgotten that day ever happened, i receive this:



twice no less. ok so i clicked the button thingy twice. but talk about lag! congratulations flooble !! i'm surprised the tags on my tagboard don't appear 2 months after they've been posted. although, that would give this blog a twilight-zoney kinda feel.

nothing exciting happening lately. seriously..nothing. nada. *miserable* only studi-poo. for 5 weeks we haven't had anything to do, and all of a sudden rob says "hey goys, let's come up with two concepts boy mondye roight? roight" .. *shakes fist*

on the bright side though, only 12 more days to charlie and the chocolate factory!! 12 days !!
FINALLY!!! our moment as arrived .. goddamn, australia's slow. cheap bastards *rasher*frasher* they probably bought the movie late so they'd get the bargain bin discount price on it. while the rest of the world is busy savouring a tasty johnny, we have to wait 2 months ... stuie reckons the oompa loompas will give him eternal nightmares because he is that traumatised from when deep roy (the oompa loompa they cloned) was the badlaa on x-files. i know a few people who'd be first in line to get tickets though. besides me and linda =P

nothing exciting happening = no updates. however, i've dug up a picture that lynne took one night at dinner.

lukewarm off the press:

there was a protest in singapore!! in front of the CPF* building no less. and of course, it was perfectly legal because less than five people participated thereby disqualifying it as an illegal assembly. 2 of the protesters were members of singapore's opposition party, and while the leader of the opposition party was in the vicinity also, he said he was only there to sell his book.

here's a link to an article on this big event.

i'd link you guys to the story according to the straits times but unfortunately, you have to pay to read it online, and who wants to do that?!

anyhoo, several things are funny about this. according to the straits times, this 4-person protest was broken up by police. what they forgot to mention was that it was broken up by riot police. fully equipped no less. dude, that's just sad. and don't even allow the "we live in an age of paranoia and terrorists" thought to cross your mind, because these protestors were in home-made t-shirts and wielded cardboard signs. all they wanted was greater transparency from government linked companies, which is in itself a big ask considering the country in question.

very surprised that singapore even has an opposition party, ironically and aptly named the singapore democratic party. you can bet it's government-approved opposition though, because if they send riot police to break up a deadly, chaotic crowd of four people, what would they think of a guy who actually runs a political party who could possibly *shock*horror*gasp* maybe-if-you-imagine-very-hard take over the country *snigger*. silly buggers.

and this poor opposition team leader. emperor dowager lky gets memoirs published in 2.7 pounds of hardcover (used and new, going on amazon.com from USD$13.48) and mr chee soon juan has to:

a) get his book published by a malaysian publisher (probably cheaper), and then

b) can't get shops in singapore to sell his book, so he has to hawk it on the streets. kindof like a vcd pirate but with autographed copies of his latest book about "effecting political change in singapore through non-violence" ($USD 8.13) **

c) when he launched this book, plain-clothes policement were filming the event for "investigation". give the guy a break! how is he going to instigate anything when barely anybody went for the launch in the first place?

poor thing right?

if you ask me though, it seems like a very poorly choreographed puppet show. how quaint that he should be plugging his book in the same vicinity, on the very same day as this faux-test. then the riot police arrive yelling "freeze, assholes!", and he's like "but it was non-violent! wherefore do you cock your rifle at me, dear sir?" then his book title is so convenient.

maybe he rented the riot police for a day since all these people are at a loose-end after national day hootenanny is over. who knows?

dear mr chee, if you want a publicity stunt, let me make a suggestion:

one day, go hawk your wares outside an mrt station with a large bag full of your books, and then those poor NSmen on terrorist patrol will see you and point their rifles at you yelling, "drop the bag, muthafucka!!" and you will make a fumbling attempt to do so, but then your actions will be seen as trying to make a run for it. so they will pull the trigger several times several times. HOWEVER, because their rifles are not actually loaded, they will yell "BANG! BANG!" and you can pretend to keel over, while making groaning noises. then as you drop to the ground, your bag will spill open and your books will scatter like so many petals in the wind, and people will pick them up and tut-tut about what a brave and non-violent man you were.

[applaud]

*CPF = Central Provisional Fund. it's government-run superannuation.
** heehee i also can be a journalist. this book only has 135 pages so of course it's heaps cheaper.

rots of ruv,
your semi-negligent-peach-flower-blossom-sweetie-pie-who-is-making-your-birthday-card-as-we-
speak.

your present will arrive at your doorstep in about week's time.

today's national day in singapore! for the uninitiated, singapore's national day commemorates the day that she gained independance from malaysia. for many singaporeans and expats alike, it's pretty much just another holiday. only this one has a big drama. NSmen train for aaaages (and i mean abso-fricken-lutely aaaages) with the marching, and the logistics, and the parachute display and the flight formations, and the fireworks, and the driving of their tanks and all that kinda thing. it's a real "yo dude, check out my balls, ain't they fancy" shebang. and then there's the school children of all ages dancing to singapore-songs with bigger and fancier displays than the year before. and flash-card displays (to singapore-is-my-home music of course). that being said though, it is quite entertaining, and with singapore being so small, you can pretty much see the fireworks from anywhere (this i am assuming because i've always lived in the east and the parade's held very near the east) .. and these fireworks aren't just any pissy ones. they're really extravagant razzle dazzle numbers. they make perth's australia day fireworks look like cheapo chinatown sparklers. fancypants.

also, from what i've heard and read, taufik's (singapore idol winner) the singer of this year's national day song. him and some other chick, and it's really annoying because they've been playing the music video ad nauseum on tvmobile. in recent years the songs have gotten heaps better. there's still the really old school ones doing the rounds (stand up for singapore! one people, one nation, one singapore! etcetc). i really used to like those .. but then again i was 3 and extremely easily entertained. they used to play them on tv karaoke style with blue skies, fluttering flags, children of all 4 major races holding hands and playing in hdb playground .. but nowsadays they get actual proper pop stars to record it so as to gain popularity and win the hearts and minds of the people.

i know lots of people want to run away from singapore, come to australia! dont need to pass chinese to get into uni! go to anywhere-that-you-don't-have-to-pay-$1million-for-a-toyota-camry! and it's true that school in singapore's a major downer. according to dee, every uni exam is like taking a levels all over again (not that i sat for those btw). the shopping's cheap but transport prices are starting to become daylight robbery. property is shockingly expensive, and in terms of a tropical getaway, it's pretty well So Expensive and Nothing TO See Also (volcano world? fail) but it's still stupid loser friends homebase, and there's still family and friends there that make me want to go back and visit at least once a year. not to mention the food is cheap and good and dirty (occasionally).

so anyhoo, in honour of the country of my birth, i wore my i heart singapore shirt to uni today! home-made summore. 'coz i heart singapore with (almost but not quite) all my um ... heart.

as promised, here is the love story of samuraibunny and bboj *flutters eyelashes*makes a cute face* . it even has a disclaimer right about now saying: WARNING!! extremely long post ahead. thou hast been warned.

getting on with the story ...

i had just finished grocery-shopping and was walking toward the bus-stop to catch a bus home. however, from a distance i could see that the bus had just pulled into the bay about 100m away. so for some inexplicable reason, i decided to run after the bus instead of waiting for the next one. maybe it was because i wanted to give my mentally retarded sister *koff* her kinder surprise as soon as possible .. i had worked so many overtime hours just to buy her that chocolate!

however, silly delicate me tripped on air and fell over, scattering the contents of my bag all over the sidewalk. oh me, oh my! the kinder surprise! its elliptical shape was perfect for rolling away from me! how torn i was!! was i to save all my other groceries from being trampled on by passers-by, or chase down that chocolate that symbolized hours of sweat and tears and love.

luckily, bboj made that decision for me.

he stuck out his toe and gently stopped the kinder surprise from rolling any further, and picked it up for me. "here," said he, "i'll help you gather your stuff and carry it all home even though it's completely out of my way". it was a very tear-jerking moment. so carried away with emotion was i that i could hardly stop my hands from trembling long enough to open the door, or to unwrap the chocolate i had bought. so bboj helped me do all that. he even helped my sister put
together her kinder toy .. what a sweetie!

from that moment on, we spent as much time together as we could. not all have been warm and sweet though. there was the time his demented grandmother threw herself down the flight of stairs and blamed me, when how could i have committed such a heinous act? my arms are so delicate and weak that i can't even lift them to mop my brow in extreme heat! and then there was the time that we had to rush to hospital to get the crayon removed from my sister���s nose, but then we lost each other in the meandering hospital corridors. luckily we managed to locate each other eventually. traumatising.

and then the biggest test of all! i am here in australia typing shit stories, and he is in singapore waiting for NS!

however, our lurve continues to blossom and soon my little hum cheem peng* and i will be reunited once again to fill the gaps between each others��� fingers.

just the beginning ...

* hum cheem peng is a deep-fried ball of dough with red bean paste in it. salty yet sweet, tasty and unhealthy! go singapore! majulah singapura !!

i've just realized that my first anniversary with ben's come and gone, and not a word on this blog's been said about it. shocking! appalling even. so i thought to commemorate this milestone of long-distance-relationshipping, belated though it may be, i will tell the story of our love. afterall, how can this blog be left behind while everybody else and their dog is telling the world about how in lurve they are with their honey-baby-schnooky-pants?

watch this space folks, for verily i tell you, a story of love shall unfold.

the hives [link] !! they come to perth !! and we're going !! *joy*rapture*dancing*fanfare* by we i mean stoo, order-y, me, linda + miscellaneous (i.e. dunno who else) .. just look we're on their list !!



although they do play one day only on the monday of folio week. but i endeavour to be done by then .. judging by the amount of work rob has given us so far, i don't think things will get much busier..i hope.

on a completely different note, ben googled the phrase "hit me with your rhythm stick" (ref: previous post) and unearthed this little gem [link]. seems like a kick arse song, just by looking at the lyrics i can tell! i'm so going to find it and listen to it.

* apologies about the proliferation of exclamation marks. girlies are excitable because the hives us the shimmy shivers

happy 20-somethingth birthday nick!!



* please note, this is nick's real birthday, not a concocted one like linda and i joke about planning for ourselves

as per linda's suggestion, i now bring you the countdown-to-folio week-and -also-lynette-and-linda's-birthdays. because it's true that some people thought my birthday was last month even though for the past two years, we've celebrated our birthdays just after folio day.

i don't think i blogged about this goof-up but long story short = people wished me happy birthday a month ago (or asked linda if it really was my birthday) because her msn nick was something like "happy birthday girlie!". and it wasn't just people we didn't know at all (afterall, we're talking msn here, not friendster account #7) but mutual friends that we hang out with on a regular basis!! shocking.

while coming up with a brief for my studio project *koff* i got a bit distracted and went blog-surfing. during the course of my travels, i discovered this [link]. this lilypie thing counts down to important events such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays etc. then i decided i wanted too, but a countdown to my 21st birthday is just sooooooo typical *flips hair* and anyway, my birthday's at the end of folio week so it's actually quite tragic. the nearer it is to my birthday, the closer i am to submitting my folio *shock*horror*dies*

so anyhoo, i want a countdown thingy it's so but they were all too cutesy for this blog so, we at samuraibunny have made our own version of the lilypie countdown thingamabobby. and it is with great pleasure that i unveil, the folio week countdown !! archi-nerd blog-readers everywhere are thrilled i'm sure. all one of you !! *points at linda* .. oh wait. *points at cally too*.

was talking to nick today [link = nicholask], which we don't too very often and i realized that as a semi-bandaid i have been quite negligent in my duties of promoting his band. (semi because i support them when i'm around, but like .. not with the aplomb of a band member's gf).

so to make up for this, i now do shameless plugging for skiVe!! they are a local (singaporean) band that does covers, and also original stuff with neat riffs and butt-kicking beats courtesy of starving drummer friend nick. they've done heaps gigs, and you may even remember them doing their thang on orchard road last year. if you were one of the assholes who walked past and covered their ears, then may gremlins heartily consume your first-born child. BUT, if you actually took the time to stop and listen, then goodonya! check out their band website under noise-makers.

also, nick reckons drummers get no girlies. so girlies, this one is nicholas:



very hamsum boy in a very hamsum band!! in future, he will own a very hamsum truck!

so i go to this job predictor [stolen from cowboy caleb who got it off someone else], thinking it would be one of those typical multiple-choice things that tabulate your results and give you some kind of generic occupation. but no!! when they say "predictor" they actually mean that they will randomly pull any occupation out from their backsides and "predict" your future. so much more fun!!

so i typed in Lynette and i got this



semi-accurate (because actually i want to be queeeeen). but princess is one step away, so it's ok. i think i still get my palanquin shouldered by robust and virile young men.

then i thought, let's type in my domain name and see what comes up!! and i ended up with this



haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ?! funeral director ?! do you think after the samurai bunny slices you in half with her crazytown sword or scalps you for insulting her ears (or some other similar infraction) she will want to direct your funeral ?!?!?! maybe, but unlikely.